A few days ago, I was browsing the toy aisle with K1 and K2. We had stopped to look at some Minecraft toys — I had stopped, specifically because I saw a toy Netherite sword ⚔️ (the strongest material in Minecraft for making tools, weapons, and armor — for those who don’t know). K3 is always after the fastest way to get Netherite (stooping to the equivalent of “cheat codes” to acquire it — but is it really stooping for a third grader? 😆). His birthday is coming up, so I thought it would make a nice gift…then I remembered how the toddler is in a massive hitting stage, which caused me to “pass” on the purchase. (Sidenote: Just a few days later, he literally conked K4 on the head with the hilt of another sword – I do not regret my decision. 😅) I replaced the sword and continued browsing. Not even a whole minute later, a young teen boy (15ish, maybe? He was taller than me…) stops, exclaims, “Oh cool!”, reaches over K2’s head, past K1’s face, snatches the Netherite sword off the hanger, and starts swinging it around with enthusiastic “shwings” and “swish”es. Then, I couldn’t believe what happened next! This random teenage boy SHANKS me rapid-fire style with his newly equipped Netherite sword! Like, he actually shoved the sword into the sling pouch (or whatever you call those fad NOT fanny pack things everyone has these days) that I was carrying on my shoulder! 🤺 I was super caught off-guard, a little uncomfortable, and quite amused. 😄Then, with a sheepish, “Sorry,” realizing he’d crossed a line, he admired the sword for a few more seconds, placed it back on the hanger, and disappeared around the corner. My reply had been, “It’s ok, we love Minecraft too,” with a slight chuckle. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “If that sweet kid doesn’t have ADHD or isn’t somewhere on the spectrum, I’d be amazed.” My heart went out to him. I imagine he was a bit embarrassed at having “forgotten” himself in the excitement of discovering this awesome toy. I hope he forgot us quickly and didn’t feel any negativity from us (we may have had slightly confused and uncomfortable looks on our faces in the moment). I hope my response was reassuring that he had not offended us. I actually hope that he felt no shame at all over his exuberant display! At any rate, it makes for a silly story that I hope brings you a laugh today.
This encounter had me remembering times in my life where I felt like I had been “too much” for other people. If you know me, that might be surprising to you. Nowadays, I’m a pretty boring person. I don’t get very excited about anything, and if I do, I feel EXTREMELY vulnerable showing it — even to my husband. I realized that there actually is a crazy, goofy, playful, all-out costume-wearing, “just wanna have fun” girl DEEEEEP down inside of me. Sometimes she tries to come out, but whatever part of my subconscious that keeps her hidden away quickly places a firm hand on the top of her head and shoves her back down again (in my mind’s eye, I see this happening in slow-motion). It’s usually a moment where I’m kicking myself because I’ve said too much or overshared, I’ve made a joke and gotten weird looks, or I’ve been amused at something that nobody else thought was humorous. I’ve bought a costume that would’ve drawn a lot of attention and decided not to wear it to the event. I stand on the sidelines and hope not to get picked for the team even though there is also a part of me that always longs to be picked. My kids haven’t even met this part of me more than a handful of times over the years — and even that was subdued.
When I was in high school, I had a best friend. She was boisterous — the one that laughed loud, smiled big, and had a bit of a temper too. I was basically the complete opposite, BUT we loved to sing. 🎶We would sing, and sing, and sing.🎶 I loved that we could do that. Our classmates would get annoyed because apparently it was obnoxious? Meh. We were having fun. I don’t know how affected she was by their groans and eye rolls, but I remember them. They bothered me, but I had my bestie singing along with me, so I ignored them.
I think this next one might have been the “nail in the coffin” of my playful side. In college, when hubs and I were dating, we were hanging out with some of his friends in his room. I’d had quite a bit of Dr Pepper at dinner, I guess. We always joked about how Dr Pepper made me hyper, but I think a lot of it was my way of flirting and showing off around him. I don’t remember much of the details this many years later, but somehow I accidentally shot one of his friends in the eye with a Nerf dart. 😵 Everybody laughed their heads off, but I think it actually hurt him, and I. felt. awful. I think the embarrassment was enough that I subconsciously decided that part of me must never see the light of day again – “She’s too much, so I won’t let her out anymore.”
I actually think that’s why I’ve really connected with acting and being involved in theater. I think it’s part of why I so thoroughly enjoyed being a dance fitness instructor for 7 years. It’s why I like Renaissance fairs and costume parties and oh, that ugly Christmas sweater contest every year at church…we won, by the way…every year that we went😉 (even the year it was Christmas masks 😷 instead of sweaters 😆). I’m drawn to activities where the expectation is “over the top,” but I still actually struggle to go all out. I can’t even quite describe what happens inside of me. I start thinking about what I would do or would want to do, and something that feels outside of my control shuts it all down. Maybe I’ll learn what that is one of these days. Maybe I’ll even get to a point where I start letting her out again. 🤷 (Hide your Nerf guns!) Until then, maybe this story helped someone feel like they’re not the only one – they’re not alone in feeling like this. Either way, thanks for visiting. 🫶 If you know someone who might enjoy reading this, go ahead and share it with them! I hope you have a lovely day. 🥰
Spicy Soul Survival 